im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
