'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
worst night to have a conscience
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize