Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
