he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
