then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize