Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
