your thong is hanging out like whoa
She is in my trunk
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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