Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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