So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
