I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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