I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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