Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
