Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you traded sex for a burrito?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
