Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
that may or may not have been my penis.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
