Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
