just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
