3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
