you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize
