so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
