so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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