went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
