is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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