Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
