tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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