wat bout pragnant strippers??
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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