dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Sober January is a disaster.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
