...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
