I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize