ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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