I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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