You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
accomplished twins. life is a go
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
