Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
