I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
