bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
worst night to have a conscience
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
