Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
