You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
