I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
