Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
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