We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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