oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
