You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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