Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
