I wish I could teleport
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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