guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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