just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
