Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
