Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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