I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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