every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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