Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
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