I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
