shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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