I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
