why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
