Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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