you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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