I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
