I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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