In the future we'll all be gay
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize