i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
