wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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