And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize