Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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