i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
