the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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