oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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