It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
sex in a hospital.. check
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
