He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize