Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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