there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
