First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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