just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize