Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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