Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
