Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize