I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
