he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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