After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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