Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
