Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
