sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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