I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
