she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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