The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
