She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
