remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
