hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
