I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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