Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
