I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
