she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
