In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
