I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
