saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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