no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
